By Bhumika, Canada
I have experienced that when Mohanji needs to get something done, he will arrange for it, and execute it beautifully. On Monday, August 17, 2020, the primary announcement was made about celebrations over the weekend (Ganesh Chaturthi, Sreepad Srivallabh Jayanthi, and second Anniversary of Datta Tapovan Ashram). That same day in the morning during meditation, the word ‘Homa’ flashed into my head, out of the blue. By now, I am getting a little familiar with the variety and beautiful ways Mohanji communicates and reaches out to his devotees. So, I contacted the team at Datta Tapovan Ashram in Toronto and received a confirmation on Wednesday that the Guru Raksha Homa was scheduled for Sunday. I wouldn’t have missed this opportunity.
On Sunday, August 23, I read Mohanji’s blog on Telegram, where he shared about his beautiful daughter Ammu. It was Ammu’s 20th death anniversary. After doing the kakad aarti, I spoke with Mohanji (his picture) and felt his pain as mine. He knows everything that conspires so he may not have needed any comforting, but I still attempted to comfort him. I did feel the pain, but I was able to focus on his message that something beautiful came out of it, Ammucare happened, and now it’s globally supporting so many human beings in various ways and fulfilling the mission.
It was time for the Homa and other scheduled events for that day, and I was able to participate in the events with ease without getting worked up. In the night, I heard Mohanji’s Podcast – “In memory of Ammu- Loss transformed into something positive.” Something shifted within me, listening to Mohanji’s words and his voice. Contrary to how I was able to see through and focus on the bigger picture, in the night listening to him, I couldn’t focus on that. I felt a deep pain within.
I was caught with Mohanji’s comments and details shared about the last day he saw Ammu alive. He shared minute details about that day, Ammu’s wet kiss on his cheeks, it felt as if it was just yesterday. And the circumstances described by Mohanji that he had to leave and Ammu was crying, as flights and plans were scheduled and needed to be executed; that’s where I was stuck, I wasn’t able to see past it.
I realized that my emotions were running high and combined with fear, it was picking momentum and turning into something nasty. I have a toddler who had had a difficult birth and continues to struggle with health and immunity to the extent that he had to be incubated when he was not even a year old and I didn’t know whether he would survive.
Seeing him go through so much, I guess there must have been a fear that was rooted deep within me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had an intuition to call Bhavani, Mohanji’s Acharya from the USA. Bhavani was very generous and kind to unconditionally give her precious time away from her family and kids. I am so grateful to her for that day. I was heading to a very dark place, I was tipping over a cliff and falling, and Mohanji held my hand by working through Bhavani.
I started sharing details with Bhavani and also mentioned the Guru Raksha Homa. From her experience and listening to my history, she tried to convince me that this is all part of cleansing. She said, “You may have had a deep-rooted fear of losing a child, and it could be that you may have had this experience in your previous lives. With the Homa, it’s coming to the surface and cleansing is happening from your system.” She was really kind to me and very generous to share details from her life. It is any parent’s worst nightmare to lose a child, and I am no different. I went on crying and sobbing. Bhavani tried in so many ways by giving many examples to convince and comfort me and assure me that nothing wrong will happen. She commented that your faith would be tested at every step and to hold on to it tightly. And when nothing was happening, she firmly commented, “Okay, you can either hold on to your faith or keep crying like this”. LOL!!!!!
It may have been her voice, but those were Mohanji’s words. And I knew it was Mohanji, but the moment Bhavani uttered those words I could immediately experience a shift within me. I felt Mohanji was frustrated with me as I was so engulfed in emotions that nothing logical was registering in me, not even the evidence from Bhavani’s experiences. Mohanji has a lot of patience, but I was exhibiting delirium, for no reason.
That comment from Bhavani and in the way she said it did the magic. Listening to the words, “Hold on to your faith” took me out of the dark place. I calmed down, stopped crying and was peaceful. Bhavani stayed with me over the phone until she was convinced that I was okay. What started with crying and being fearful ended up with laughter, discovering a connection and love!