After doing Mai-Tri sessions, my practitioner asked me if I was doing things like:
– being careful how much I eat, even if I am hungry, so that I don’t waste food
– eating less to save food for the next day
– feeling guilty in a way to ever ask my parents for anything, even basics like food, e.g. Taking what’s already there or asking for money to buy something.
Tests never end & patterns are persistent:
The pattern of not accepting and judging myself
I have a habit of always staying away, thinking I am bothering everyone and am a burden to people. In Serbia, while having the time to talk to Mohanji, I told him that my Mai-Tri had begun. I said if Mai-Tri didn’t come to me at that time, I don’t know what would have happened to my life. While saying it, I shed a tear of gratitude. A few days later, Mohanji left, and I returned to Macedonia.
After a few days at home, patterns kicked back in despite the huge transformation with Mai-Tri. I started rewinding the moment when I had tears in my eyes in front of Mohanji. I started thinking that I shouldn’t have cried in front of him, that this meant I was weak, and that Mohanji doesn’t like weak people.
I thought he judged me for it, and I regret doing that. In fact, this reflected my pattern of judging myself, thinking that I was weak, and not accepting myself. Mohanji’s grace helped me realize it’s another pattern. Mohanji never judges. As a matter of fact, he always says to be natural and be you. He never likes when we suppress desires and spontaneous actions unless when they are harmful to others.
Not even a week had passed after my last Mai-Tri, and all that was cleansed, this pattern still managed to overcome me. Even while writing about this experience, I felt I was not worthy of writing it and was not good enough for it. So, I am still overcoming this.
This part of my experience shows how strong the patterns are and how patterns can pull us back. Mai-Tri can make a huge transformation that no other spiritual practice can do for us. Some patterns or blockages that are rooted deep inside cannot be removed with a practise. Instead, some strong cleansing treatment has to be done. Mai-Tri can help us overcome our patterns, but patterns can come back even after Mai-Tri if we let them. Mai-Tri pulls us out, but we are the ones who have to take steps to stay out of patterns.
Mohanji had never left my hands, even when I thought otherwise. On the path of spirituality, we may think that our Guru doesn’t love us because we don’t love ourselves enough. In fact, his love is unchangeable, and our mind is changeable. My transformation is proof of his love and how much energy he invested in me.
Many times, I experienced thoughts that Mohanji had forgotten me or he judged me. But many times, I also experienced proximity to Mohanji; I got a chance to be near him, but in the times of confusion, my mind forgot all about such moments, so it doesn’t matter how close physically we are to a Master when our mind decides to be negative, it will be negative no matter what we received from the Master. So, it is not about the Master. It is about our state of mind.
Taking Mohanji for granted
A very common habit is ingratitude. The following story, which consists of my conclusion points, is about taking Mohanji for granted.
I was with friends, and one of the people discovered through another person that Mohanji spoke 2-3 words about her with kindness. This was the first time she had heard of it. It was so big for her that she couldn’t believe it, and she asked multiple times if this was true. Her reaction got me thinking.
The person’s reaction made me feel such gratitude that I got so much from Mohanji – each word, each hug, each minute in his presence, cherishing them like gold. It helped me become aware of the grace that I have been given. At moments the mind might have made me forget that just seeing Mohanji is a big deal, especially getting words from him. I will strive never to forget this and always try to respect each moment in the future.
In conclusion, this was not my first Mai-Tri experience; I had experienced it before. I was a positive person; I was working on myself. It wasn’t always dark, but my patterns managed to drag me down and overcome me, control me. I didn’t recognize it until one day when I was down. I was not aware of the patterns I had. This time, with intense Mai-Tri, it went really deep. We got to diagnose the patterns, and with diagnosis, I can move ahead easier.
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Mohanji Testimonials team