How to recognise habitual patterns and deal with them I Mohanji
We have patterns, right? Repetitive patterns. Some people say, “I’ve never experienced happiness in life.” Or some people say, “I’m continuously going through the same situations, one after the other.” Patterns – where does pattern come from? How do patterns happen in our life? Why are we discussing this? If you know how patterns happen, if you diagnose it well, you can come out of it. If you don’t know the patterns, if you don’t know how they are structured, you cannot come out of them. That’s why we are trying to understand patterns.
One is suppression, a very common subject. So many times, we suppress emotions, suppress feelings, suppress numerous things thinking what will society think. We even do not take a step forward towards the fulfilment of a desire because we are afraid of failure. What will society think? The moment you start being afraid of society, you stop doing the right action. This is important to understand. Suppression is a huge thing. I wanted to say something to somebody. I had a genuine urge to speak to a person. Suddenly a thought comes, “What if this person doesn’t like it?” So, what happens? I don’t speak. I keep quiet. The point is suppressed.
Many of us couldn’t speak when we were children because we were afraid of our father, mother, teachers, or society. It got stuck here; our expressions reached only up to here (Mohanji points to his throat). It didn’t come out. Continuously. And later on, what happens? You get married, or you have a life in society. Again, you’re in the office; you want to speak something. It comes here; it doesn’t come out (again Mohanji points to his throat). What happens then? Suppression leads to suffocation. When you cannot speak what you want to speak at the right time, you cannot speak at all, and you do not have that experience.
Please understand, what is the reason for life? Experience is the primary reason for existence. We have come to Turkey now. We go to various countries, various places. What are all these places and countries? What are the people or the situations or the culture? Experience. It’s the experience. You’re not taking this country home, right? When you go from here, you can’t take Turkey with you. You can probably take some things from Turkey which remind you of Turkey with you. This is life. We only carry experiences with us, which in turn becomes a memory – some memory, sometimes it doesn’t stay.
Suppression is one of the major causes for most of the complexes, most of the fears, phobias, and character traits. We’ve suppressed a lot of stuff in life, and we still do. What’s the other side of suppression? Expression – it’s the right thing to do. You’ve to train yourself to express yourself so that you start uncoiling. You start releasing; you start becoming lighter to a level where you are empty. Nothing is suppressed.
Some people tell me, “Mohanji, some of my thoughts are very dirty.” So, I always ask them, “Who decides this?” We keep certain boundaries for our thoughts, but we are not like that. We are not fit to be in a cage. In life, you cannot be thinking in terms of boundaries or cages. This isn’t our style or not our culture. We cannot be caged.
But what happens? We start thinking, “This is okay, this is not okay. This is moral, and this is immoral, this is fine, this is a sin”. Like that, everything is A or B, categorised. The moment you start categorising, suppression automatically happens. I don’t mean that you can kill somebody and say, “I expressed my feelings.” Don’t do that because that person also has a right to live. That’s a different story.
But, when you have to say something, you can say it in the right way without hurting people, without being rude, but without storing. You are not a garbage can; please remember. We restrict the movements of our children with do’s and don’ts, and finally, children hate you. That’s why many times children hate their parents. Why? Because they get only boundaries, walls, do’s, and don’ts. But life isn’t like that. Life is about experiences and expressions. Not suppression; suppression is death; expression is life. This is very important.
Comparisons and competitions
Then come comparisons and competitions, which are actually again a diversion into the negative. Why do we compare ourselves with another person? It’s not that the whole world will like you anyway, even if you express yourself to your grandest possibility. There’s no guarantee that everybody will like you. Some people will not like you. Some people will dislike you. But is it a problem? That’s how the world is.
The world cannot appreciate everything. We have numerous countries, colours, caste, culture, religion, language. Everything is suitable for somebody, not everybody. This is the reality. So, what’s the right way to do it? Experience it, respect, and appreciate. I may not like this thing. But it’s okay; somebody else is fine with it. This is very important. Resistance means I want things to happen in a particular order. If I don’t get that in that mode, I resist. When you resist, what happens? It stays, it persists, it doesn’t go away. Whatever you resist in life, it stays. It doesn’t go away. So, when you are resisting all the time, you are in a conflict mode; you’re never happy.
Resistance after resistance, and what happens? The more you resist something, you develop fears of it – fears of it happening in your life, and it will happen. People have fears – various kinds of fears, and they do materialise; they do happen. Why? Because we’ve resisted them enough. But instead, you accept them, okay, this is happening. You’ve got to look into the eyes of fear, and the fear disappears. There’s no option of fears in the life of a brave man. Why should you be afraid? Face it. Situations bring different propositions. Face them, handle them and dissolve them.
Acceptance Vs Prejudices
So, resistance is something that causes patterns. What you resist becomes your pattern. And that you see in various people’s lives in psychology. Some people say I have tremendous fear; I can’t sleep. I don’t like some people, and we have prejudices, tremendous kinds of prejudices, and all that comes from resistance. If you have acceptance, you won’t have prejudices. We don’t have to like everybody, and everybody doesn’t have to like us. The option of likes and dislikes – let it remain as part of duality. But please remember, we are not paying their bills, nor are they paying our bills.
Everybody has the right to existence, and we must respect it. All beings born on earth have their space, their relevance, and their existence. Whether we like it or not, they’ll be there, and they’ll definitely start expressing what they are, whether we like it or not, all people. It’s not just people. It’s all beings. Beings of the sky, water, and earth have the same relevance – different religions, different cast, country, culture, colour, same relevance. Nobody is higher, nobody is lower, nobody is perfect, nor is anybody imperfect. Everybody is as they are.
Transcription by Ulla Bernholdt
Proofread by Yogesh Pandit